This has no title

Because to be totally honest I have no idea where I am going with this post. Which has seemed to become a bit of a problem when trying to write lately. I have so many things swimming around in my Franglish head that sometimes I have a hard time trying to even complete one thought. So be prepared for anyone who is still even reading this little thought-keeper of mine that this entry and probably for the near future these will be a bit all over the place. For starters in the last few weeks the realisation that I am moving on and hopefully forward is here. I have spent two absolutely amazing and fantastic and unreal years in Paris. Now I am sure almost everyone will tell you the time the spend anywhere in a foreign country is amazing but mine REALLY was. I saw castles, a french Mickey Mouse, was here when the announcement of the new French President was made, partied with firemen and maybe even made out with one (I'll never tell), did some of the best shopping I have ever done, was able to see countries and cities and places that I KNOW I would have NEVER experienced otherwise (riding on and swimming with an elephant for example), I have MC'd an event with over 100 people and pushed myself to not throw up on stage from the butterflies in my stomach, I have been able to show my friends and family that visit around "my city", I have gotten lost again and again and always found my way home, I celebrated my first Christmas without my parents and siblings by my side (thanks though Skype and a few special Christmas Elves), I have seen sunrises while still out drinking and have danced until my feet can't take anymore, I have had my heart broken and fixed and broken again and I am still waiting for the right thing to happen, I have eaten enough bread and pain au chocolat for a lifetime and I have the closest most fantastic friends here now... even though there are only like 4 of them I wouldn't trade it for the world... these friends mean just as much to me now as my family. Which has made the choice to pursue my life in the US incredibly difficult. Really putting yourself out there to someone and relying on them time and time again creates a bond that I have never experienced before in my life and I am not sure I will ever experience again. So trying to get through the incredibly tough decision process of to stay or to go has been impossible. Even right now as I type this I am questioning everything I am doing - even if my choice was in the other direction, I think I would still be feeling exactly the same. See the problem now is I live two lived. They are intertwined in certain instances but for the most part they are just running along side by side with each other. I don't know if any of you have ever had to live two lives or make a choice that will cause you some regret no matter what the outcome but it will throw you for a doozy. No matter how prepared you are for it (or think you are for it)!! But the bottom line is I have chosen to take the next step in this little adventure we call life and along with making that choice comes so many other choices... such as:

What the hell do I do with all of my shoes and how is the poor sucks stuck packing them going to feel about that? Is he (or maybe she) going to treat them with the love and respect they deserve?

Where the heck am I going to live? Ma and Pa??? Room for rent?!?!?!! hahaha.

What exactly is the next step in my career? What do I want to be when I grow up? Because recently the most appealing jobs are my return to being a live in full time Nanny and hot dog sales girl on Church Street?

How do I know if I am making the right choice? Because this one is one question I wake up thinking about every night and I'll be honest the cover up is starting to not be sufficient in covering up the bags under my eyes....

When this all sinks in and I have to actually (well buy the one way ticket home) deal with my choice, will my friends here still embrace me the same way they have over the last two years and can we manage to stay as amazingly close and influential (well at least they have been for me) as we have been?

And who is going to drop me off at the airport and wipe my stupid tears away as I go through that gate at CDG and head back to the US one last time? Because it is a messy job - just ask my Mom... she dropped me on my first trip coming over...

Uh oh... the waterworks are welling up. That is an appropriate stop time for now.