This has no title

Because to be totally honest I have no idea where I am going with this post. Which has seemed to become a bit of a problem when trying to write lately. I have so many things swimming around in my Franglish head that sometimes I have a hard time trying to even complete one thought. So be prepared for anyone who is still even reading this little thought-keeper of mine that this entry and probably for the near future these will be a bit all over the place. For starters in the last few weeks the realisation that I am moving on and hopefully forward is here. I have spent two absolutely amazing and fantastic and unreal years in Paris. Now I am sure almost everyone will tell you the time the spend anywhere in a foreign country is amazing but mine REALLY was. I saw castles, a french Mickey Mouse, was here when the announcement of the new French President was made, partied with firemen and maybe even made out with one (I'll never tell), did some of the best shopping I have ever done, was able to see countries and cities and places that I KNOW I would have NEVER experienced otherwise (riding on and swimming with an elephant for example), I have MC'd an event with over 100 people and pushed myself to not throw up on stage from the butterflies in my stomach, I have been able to show my friends and family that visit around "my city", I have gotten lost again and again and always found my way home, I celebrated my first Christmas without my parents and siblings by my side (thanks though Skype and a few special Christmas Elves), I have seen sunrises while still out drinking and have danced until my feet can't take anymore, I have had my heart broken and fixed and broken again and I am still waiting for the right thing to happen, I have eaten enough bread and pain au chocolat for a lifetime and I have the closest most fantastic friends here now... even though there are only like 4 of them I wouldn't trade it for the world... these friends mean just as much to me now as my family. Which has made the choice to pursue my life in the US incredibly difficult. Really putting yourself out there to someone and relying on them time and time again creates a bond that I have never experienced before in my life and I am not sure I will ever experience again. So trying to get through the incredibly tough decision process of to stay or to go has been impossible. Even right now as I type this I am questioning everything I am doing - even if my choice was in the other direction, I think I would still be feeling exactly the same. See the problem now is I live two lived. They are intertwined in certain instances but for the most part they are just running along side by side with each other. I don't know if any of you have ever had to live two lives or make a choice that will cause you some regret no matter what the outcome but it will throw you for a doozy. No matter how prepared you are for it (or think you are for it)!! But the bottom line is I have chosen to take the next step in this little adventure we call life and along with making that choice comes so many other choices... such as:

What the hell do I do with all of my shoes and how is the poor sucks stuck packing them going to feel about that? Is he (or maybe she) going to treat them with the love and respect they deserve?

Where the heck am I going to live? Ma and Pa??? Room for rent?!?!?!! hahaha.

What exactly is the next step in my career? What do I want to be when I grow up? Because recently the most appealing jobs are my return to being a live in full time Nanny and hot dog sales girl on Church Street?

How do I know if I am making the right choice? Because this one is one question I wake up thinking about every night and I'll be honest the cover up is starting to not be sufficient in covering up the bags under my eyes....

When this all sinks in and I have to actually (well buy the one way ticket home) deal with my choice, will my friends here still embrace me the same way they have over the last two years and can we manage to stay as amazingly close and influential (well at least they have been for me) as we have been?

And who is going to drop me off at the airport and wipe my stupid tears away as I go through that gate at CDG and head back to the US one last time? Because it is a messy job - just ask my Mom... she dropped me on my first trip coming over...

Uh oh... the waterworks are welling up. That is an appropriate stop time for now.

Oooops

Oooopsy ... I can not believe that is has been 2 weeks since I have written. Man oh man, I am just not keeping up with things the way that I should be. And well the thing is I have a list about a mile long with things I want to write about on here!! I guess the last couple of weeks have been so jam packed that when I get home or have a few minutes typing or even sitting in front of my computer is not what I want to be doing, we can thank work for that!! I have been one BUSY BEE!! Next weekend I leave for Philadelphia for the event that has been running my life (well one of the events, I am currently working on two, which has turned out to be quite a balancing act - yikes!) and since it has been running my life it has essentially grounded me from writing here!! Ok, excuses, excuses but planning an event totally remotely has been quite interesting. Lucky for me I have made it a priority to fill my weekends with at least one day totally away from work stuff (yes I have been working on the weekend for the last few weeks. Talk about dedication baby)! Last weekend, I experienced my first indoor swimming centre here and as nervous and well not excited at all about trying it - I grew up swimming outside with my cousins and friends in Grammy's above ground pool with floaties attached to our matching watermelon bathing suits- so a public pool and all the unknown people in it is a bit intimidating - it turned out a-ok and I actually really enjoyed myself. I forgot a few things, one being how much I enjoy being in the water and two what a great little workout swimming is. Especially when you are trying to keep yourself afloat in the deep end with two little kiddos (the partner in crimes kiddos were the reason to be at this pool) jumping all over you and asking for rides to the lane markers and back! I am definitely planning a return trip, I may even bust out the old goggles and swim cap for old times sake... This weekend I will be indulging in some LONG OVERDUE shoe shopping and on Sunday I will be attending the Rugby World Cup at a Pub in the 8th district with some good friends, who I know will make waking up at the butt crack of dawn on a Sunday totally worth it (if you are reading this, take this as your warning to be sure I have a good time) plus they promised that the rugby men on the tv will be worth it just on their own... !!

So rest assured, even though I have been a bit quiet on here,  I am not being boring and staying holed up with nothing exciting going on, it is just the opposite, I haven't had much free time to update, but I'll work on it. Promise!!

*details about the shoes I purchase today and the rugby event tomorrow to follow!!!

Must stay motivated ....

I find that as the weather here in this lovely little city of lights improves that my motivation to sit and write in front of my computer diminishes. Until I take a few minutes and reflect on all that has happened since the last time I recorded my adventures, it is then I realise that I write no just to share what is happening in my always crazy life with the handful of people that read but because it actually helps me digest everything that I bring on to myself. In the last week or so I have:




Thrown my first (very successful) house party, complete with signature drinks, pink shakers, glow jewellery, dancing and amounts of laughter I wasn’t sure was actually possible to reach.


Spent two lovely Saturday enjoying an unhealthy amount of food on a blanket in a park; taking photos (which I really will post soon) and really just enjoying the sunshine that we have been lucky enough to experience over the last few weeks.


Purchased 2 unreal pairs of shoes for an incredible price but simply trying (and trying is the key word here) to speak French with the salesman. It worked I paid much less than I should have… I did have a short skirt on that day though… either way, my feet are happy ; )


Experienced my first (and most likely not last) French breakup/heartbreak...But in the long run this one really will be for the better… a few tears, a short dress, one of those new pairs of shoes and a few weekends on the town should turn this one around.


Taken a silly game the PIC (partner in crime for those of you who forgot…) and I use for cheap laughs to a whole new level and introduced it to many innocent friends, bringing them down to our level of wickedness.


AND

Realised that in 5 short days I will have been living in Paris for EXACTLY one year. Bringing on huge amounts of reflection, laughter, tears, sadness, excitement and anxiousness (not sure that last one is actually a word, but we are running with it for now) …. I am sure this one will be expanded on in the next few days.

YIKES!!

It JUST kicked in that I am leaving on SUNDAY for a week!!! To go and look at apartments, see the new office and meet the new French faces that will soon be such a large part of my life. AND THE ONLY THING I CAN THINK ABOUT IS WHAT AM I GOING TO WEAR?????!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH. To start with- I wear heels almost every day and now I will be walking EVERYWHERE - meaning I need to seriously re-think the footwear. I guess that means I'll be shopping (oh shucks!) for some new ballet flats and cool kicks this evening...... any suggestions?!?!?!

Shoes are really only the beginning, French women always seem so put together in and stylish (well at least in pictures they do), maybe this my chance to go out on a limb and get a little crazy......